Inbox

[whatam_i]

What demands an answer, but asks no question?
....
A telephone.
And I'm not here to answer mine so please leave a message at the sound of the beep.

Comments

[hawk_shot]

They should get their eyes checked.
Seriously, I'm worried about these people.

I sucked, Ed.
I was nervous.

[whatam_i]

You're sweet.

You were nervous?
Why?

[hawk_shot]

I mean it.
The Ed I know is an amazing guy.

Because of the way you look at me sometimes.
Most of the time.

[whatam_i]

Not as amazing as you are.

You mean when I gawk?

[hawk_shot]

No, I mean like what you just said.

Like I'm amazing.
I can't prove you wrong by sucking at dancing!

[whatam_i]

Oh!
But your amazingness doesn't have anything to do with your dance skills.

[hawk_shot]

Yeah, I think we've very clearly established that.

[whatam_i]

I think it's cute you can't dance.

[hawk_shot]

You find my failing cute?

You would have loved seeing me fight that Widow then.

[whatam_i]

No, it's not the failing that's cute. It's you.

I'm sure you did better than you think you did.

[hawk_shot]

But what makes me failing at dancing so cute then? That you're biased?

I need to do better tomorrow, that's for sure.

[whatam_i]

It's not failing. You can't really fail if you don't know the steps.

You will.
And if all else fails, go for the eyes, throat or groin.

[hawk_shot]

Ed, we were just swaying around. It wasn't supposed to be so hard.

The worst best advice ever.
But thank you. I hope it doesn't take that, but I'll keep it in mind.

I'm sorry I don't have a place to invite you over anymore. That New York visit will have to wait.

[whatam_i]

You're too hard on yourself.

I'm sorry, I'm not very good at physical fights.

It's okay, that isn't your fault.
Are you staying with friends?

[hawk_shot]

Maybe. But that's what always encouraged me to be the very best at what I do.
I'll learn to dance.

Don't be sorry, you make up for it with your brains.
I'd just like not to... Kill people if I can help it.

I have for the last few days. But I have no idea what I'm gonna do.
There's no way I'm going back to my childhood home. No matter what happens between my mom and I.

[whatam_i]

It's more fun if I teach you.
:)

Poking an eye out won't kill someone.

Could you stay at a hotel?

[hawk_shot]

You've got a point, smartest man in Gotham.
Will you dance one of my songs too?

Can't promise my arrow won't go through.

Yeah, that's probably what I'll do.
I'm gonna have to find one that's pet friendly.

[whatam_i]

:D
Uh that depends on what type of song it is.

I thought we were discussing hand to hand combat.

I'm sure there are a few of those in New York.

[hawk_shot]

Something you'd listen at a club in New York now.
So, with lots of shaking your body and jumping?

Oh! Yeah, I guess I can't take my mind off my bow and the trick arrows.
But yeah, in that case the crotch and eyes and throat are very good points.

Yeah, I'll probably find somewhere easily while I get my place back into shape.
I'm gonna have to buy furniture all over again.
Merry Christmas for me, huh?

[whatam_i]

Oh.
Uh. No then.

They're some of the most sensitive parts of the body and often the areas that aren't protected properly.

Do you celebrate Christmas?

[hawk_shot]

Oh, cmon! Nobody has to see us.

Have you ever been in a fight? You said you're not good, but have you tried it?

I do. What about you?

[whatam_i]

I don't think my body can move like that.

No, I usually run.

Not since I was little.

[hawk_shot]

Ed, I've FELT your body move. You can totally do it standing too.

Yeah, I don't blame you.
Would you like me to teach you how to punch?

You never celebrate Christmas??
Not even back at work?

[whatam_i]

That's different.

Uh no thank you. I know how to hit someone I just prefer to either outsmart them or run away.
Or shoot them. Or stab them.

Well one year I made fruitcake for everyone and nondenominational winter greeting cards but most people just threw both in the trash.

[hawk_shot]

How's that different if the song changes and we start grinding against each other?

Ok, clever boy. We've established you've got your ways out of trouble.
but I'm just saying. One day you might not have a weapon and be cornered.

God, I hate your ex-coworkers SO MUCH.
That's just so nasty and uncalled for and total bullshit.
We're celebrating Christmas this year. Even if we do it virtually. And if I don't die.