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[whatam_i]

What demands an answer, but asks no question?
....
A telephone.
And I'm not here to answer mine so please leave a message at the sound of the beep.

Comments

Are you calling him an angry nut

[hobblepot]

What am I doing?

I am going out of my mind listening to your infernal hammering!

[Needless to say, the question of what kept Ed up in the first place is not on the top of the list.]

Bwhaha not intentionally but it does work XD

[whatam_i]

Oh.
Well you don't have to worry, I'm done with that.

[About five seconds later Oswald will hear the sounds of a drill instead.]

[hobblepot]

Are you insane??

[whatam_i]

No.
I have a certificate of sanity, remember?

[hobblepot]

Fuck the certificate!

[There's some consolation in knowing that as long as he's texting, Ed's not drilling. On second thought, no - no consolation at all. It's terrible and he's furious and he wants Ed to know all about it.]

Put down the drill and all your other little toys and go back to bed like a normal human being, or I will have you tied down until morning.

And I am not joking!

[whatam_i]

First of all, they are not toys. They are tools.

Secondly, I don't think either of us can rightfully say what a normal human being does or doesn't do.

[Since they are both big weirdos.]

And third...
I'd like to see you try.

[hobblepot]

Excuse me?

[Oswald interprets that the only way he can, in this mood - as a roundabout way of reminding him he's a freak to Gotham at large - and he tenses, raring for a fight.]

I don't have to.

Ivan can be here in five minutes.

[Who is Ivan? His latest recruit with the brute strength of an ox, enough brains to carry out instructions to a tee, and no interest in small talk. The best kind of goon.]

So I would suggest that you consider your next move very carefully.

[whatam_i]

You don't think I can come up with a trap for 'Ivan' in five minutes?

[hobblepot]

[Bastard.

Not that he couldn't warn Ivan, but this is becoming ridiculous. There's only so much disrespect he can tolerate before he goes from snapping his teeth to biting.]

Last warning!

Go. To. Bed.

Or I will be forced to resort to more drastic measures.

[whatam_i]

Nope. Not tired.

[He's a grown man, Oswald. A grown man who can be very stubborn.]

By drastic measures do you mean getting up out of bed yourself and coming down here?

[hobblepot]

You would like that, wouldn't you?

[Him putting in the effort, wasting his time. Surely Ed would attempt to win by way of seducing him at some point, he thinks.]

[whatam_i]

Maybe.

Aren't you the least bit curious as to what I'm working on?

[hobblepot]

Nope.

[The only way to deal with a mullish manchild is to be one right back, obviously, with a shameless lie on top of it. And if that chafes Ed's ass just a little, then mission accomplished.]

I have better things to do right now than to obsess over your latest DIY science project or whatever it is, the details of which I am certain will be revealed to me in excruciating detail whether they are wanted or not.

[whatam_i]

[Two can play at that game.]

Fine.
If you're really that uninterested I guess I'll just keep this all to myself. Just don't get snarky about it when I spend more time working than with you.

[hobblepot]

Remind me: weren't you the one who came begging for my attention the other night?

[whatam_i]

I did NOT beg!

[hobblepot]

Oh, you definitely begged.

[whatam_i]

I DID NOT.

I merely heavily requested your company.

[By basically climbing into Oswald's lap when he was working at his desk....]

[hobblepot]

You mean by practically climbing on top of me and blocking my view?

[Who needs a cat when you have Ed?]

Yes, yes you did.

[whatam_i]

[It's not his fault he's tall and can easily block people's views.]

I sure didn't hear you complaining.

[hobblepot]

It would honestly surprise me if you could hear anything at all over the sound of your own voice.

[So texts the man in love with his own. The Cobblepot calling the kettle black, as usual.]

Bwhaha good pun

[whatam_i]

If I'm remembering correctly my mouth was too busy kissing you to speak.

[Because not only did he crawl into Oswald's lap he decided the best way to tempt him away from work was to kiss up and down his neck.]

[hobblepot]

[Ed's a ruthless opportunist, sometimes. Of course, so is Oswald.

The better half of a minute passes before Oswald texts:]

Ed, I want to make it perfectly clear that I am not going over there and I am most definitely not tucking you in.

[Can't weasel your way out of facing consequences, buddy.]

[whatam_i]

[The pause between texts makes him smile because it means Oswald took a moment to think about those kisses.]

That's fine.
Now that I'm up I'll probably just stay up till morning.

[A pause on his side and then:]

I'm done hammering so you can go back to sleep.

[hobblepot]

[Ed relenting? Consider him mildly suspicious.]

AND drilling?

And anything else that would be considered obnoxious and disruptive by anyone who is not you?