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[whatam_i]

What demands an answer, but asks no question?
....
A telephone.
And I'm not here to answer mine so please leave a message at the sound of the beep.

Comments

[hobblepot]

You would like that, wouldn't you?

[Him putting in the effort, wasting his time. Surely Ed would attempt to win by way of seducing him at some point, he thinks.]

[whatam_i]

Maybe.

Aren't you the least bit curious as to what I'm working on?

[hobblepot]

Nope.

[The only way to deal with a mullish manchild is to be one right back, obviously, with a shameless lie on top of it. And if that chafes Ed's ass just a little, then mission accomplished.]

I have better things to do right now than to obsess over your latest DIY science project or whatever it is, the details of which I am certain will be revealed to me in excruciating detail whether they are wanted or not.

[whatam_i]

[Two can play at that game.]

Fine.
If you're really that uninterested I guess I'll just keep this all to myself. Just don't get snarky about it when I spend more time working than with you.

[hobblepot]

Remind me: weren't you the one who came begging for my attention the other night?

[whatam_i]

I did NOT beg!

[hobblepot]

Oh, you definitely begged.

[whatam_i]

I DID NOT.

I merely heavily requested your company.

[By basically climbing into Oswald's lap when he was working at his desk....]

[hobblepot]

You mean by practically climbing on top of me and blocking my view?

[Who needs a cat when you have Ed?]

Yes, yes you did.

[whatam_i]

[It's not his fault he's tall and can easily block people's views.]

I sure didn't hear you complaining.

[hobblepot]

It would honestly surprise me if you could hear anything at all over the sound of your own voice.

[So texts the man in love with his own. The Cobblepot calling the kettle black, as usual.]

Bwhaha good pun

[whatam_i]

If I'm remembering correctly my mouth was too busy kissing you to speak.

[Because not only did he crawl into Oswald's lap he decided the best way to tempt him away from work was to kiss up and down his neck.]

[hobblepot]

[Ed's a ruthless opportunist, sometimes. Of course, so is Oswald.

The better half of a minute passes before Oswald texts:]

Ed, I want to make it perfectly clear that I am not going over there and I am most definitely not tucking you in.

[Can't weasel your way out of facing consequences, buddy.]

[whatam_i]

[The pause between texts makes him smile because it means Oswald took a moment to think about those kisses.]

That's fine.
Now that I'm up I'll probably just stay up till morning.

[A pause on his side and then:]

I'm done hammering so you can go back to sleep.

[hobblepot]

[Ed relenting? Consider him mildly suspicious.]

AND drilling?

And anything else that would be considered obnoxious and disruptive by anyone who is not you?

[whatam_i]

[He can't help but relent a little bit, the idea of Oswald all tucked in his bed thinking about their kisses has softened his stubbornness a little.]

Yes.
I've moved on to soldering work now.

[hobblepot]

Fine.

Just don't set fire to anything.

[whatam_i]

I won't.


...
But just in case...
There are fire extinguishers in the house right?

[hobblepot]

[Oh god.]

In the kitchen.

Which you won't be needing, of course.

Right, Ed?

[whatam_i]

No of course not, but better safe than sorry!

I should pick up another one for my workspace this weekend.

[hobblepot]

Yes, you do that.

Good night.

[whatam_i]

Goodnight my beautiful bird.


[Awwwwwwww isn't that sweet??
Of course that doesn't last because about three hours later Oswald is woken up by the sound of a small explosion.]

[hobblepot]

[Oswald, the light sleeper than he is, lurches upright in a sweaty, wide-eyed panic, barely able to tell up from down but convinced he's under attack when he staggers out of bed. He grabs a loaded shotgun from the closet, no time for texting.]

Ed?? [He cries out down the hall.]

ooc: I'm so mean to sleepy Os

[whatam_i]

Woooo!

[Comes the excited yelp from inside Ed's work room and then a moment later he calls out again.]

I'm okay!

you sadist, you

[hobblepot]

[Nothing is okay until Ed's safety is confirmed. Scratch that - nothing is okay, full-stop, when he stumbles, panting, into Ed's room, disheveled, jacked with adrenaline, and ready to pump some lead into the first non-Ed human being he lays eyes on. Except...

...they appear to be alone.]