Inbox

[whatam_i]

What demands an answer, but asks no question?
....
A telephone.
And I'm not here to answer mine so please leave a message at the sound of the beep.

Comments

[hawk_shot]

Ed, we were just swaying around. It wasn't supposed to be so hard.

The worst best advice ever.
But thank you. I hope it doesn't take that, but I'll keep it in mind.

I'm sorry I don't have a place to invite you over anymore. That New York visit will have to wait.

[whatam_i]

You're too hard on yourself.

I'm sorry, I'm not very good at physical fights.

It's okay, that isn't your fault.
Are you staying with friends?

[hawk_shot]

Maybe. But that's what always encouraged me to be the very best at what I do.
I'll learn to dance.

Don't be sorry, you make up for it with your brains.
I'd just like not to... Kill people if I can help it.

I have for the last few days. But I have no idea what I'm gonna do.
There's no way I'm going back to my childhood home. No matter what happens between my mom and I.

[whatam_i]

It's more fun if I teach you.
:)

Poking an eye out won't kill someone.

Could you stay at a hotel?

[hawk_shot]

You've got a point, smartest man in Gotham.
Will you dance one of my songs too?

Can't promise my arrow won't go through.

Yeah, that's probably what I'll do.
I'm gonna have to find one that's pet friendly.

[whatam_i]

:D
Uh that depends on what type of song it is.

I thought we were discussing hand to hand combat.

I'm sure there are a few of those in New York.

[hawk_shot]

Something you'd listen at a club in New York now.
So, with lots of shaking your body and jumping?

Oh! Yeah, I guess I can't take my mind off my bow and the trick arrows.
But yeah, in that case the crotch and eyes and throat are very good points.

Yeah, I'll probably find somewhere easily while I get my place back into shape.
I'm gonna have to buy furniture all over again.
Merry Christmas for me, huh?

[whatam_i]

Oh.
Uh. No then.

They're some of the most sensitive parts of the body and often the areas that aren't protected properly.

Do you celebrate Christmas?

[hawk_shot]

Oh, cmon! Nobody has to see us.

Have you ever been in a fight? You said you're not good, but have you tried it?

I do. What about you?

[whatam_i]

I don't think my body can move like that.

No, I usually run.

Not since I was little.

[hawk_shot]

Ed, I've FELT your body move. You can totally do it standing too.

Yeah, I don't blame you.
Would you like me to teach you how to punch?

You never celebrate Christmas??
Not even back at work?

[whatam_i]

That's different.

Uh no thank you. I know how to hit someone I just prefer to either outsmart them or run away.
Or shoot them. Or stab them.

Well one year I made fruitcake for everyone and nondenominational winter greeting cards but most people just threw both in the trash.

[hawk_shot]

How's that different if the song changes and we start grinding against each other?

Ok, clever boy. We've established you've got your ways out of trouble.
but I'm just saying. One day you might not have a weapon and be cornered.

God, I hate your ex-coworkers SO MUCH.
That's just so nasty and uncalled for and total bullshit.
We're celebrating Christmas this year. Even if we do it virtually. And if I don't die.

[whatam_i]

Uh because I don't do that when I dance.

Well that's when I'd go for the eyes, throat or groin.

[He's not above kicking someone in the crotch Kate.]

Oh. Uh. Okay.

[hawk_shot]

And you didn't do a lot of the stuff I wanna do to you now. So brace yourself.

Ok, ok. It's probably better for my morals if I don't teach the criminal how to punch anyway.

What? You don't want to?

[whatam_i]

What do you mean by that?

I know how to slap people, does that count?

No! It's not that, I was just a little surprised by your reaction to my fruitcake.

[hawk_shot]

You know, positions while we fuck. Maybe wearing costumes. Tying you up. Getting you to dance to a dirty song. Doing it in the tub. The stuff we haven't tried out yet.

Huh... Maybe?

Why is that surprising? You had a nice gesture and people just threw it away. It's bullshit.

[whatam_i]

Oh!!!
Oh. Uh some of those sound nice.

Because most people don't react like that. It's sweet of you.
I'll make you fruitcake for Christmas.

[hawk_shot]

They'll all nice if you give them a chance.
But let me guess: the tub?

Most people should react like I did. Be grateful that someone was thoughtful like you.
Will I get a card too?

[whatam_i]

Uh no, that one might not work because I'm tall. But the costumes might be fun, depending on what ones they are.

Of course!

[hawk_shot]

I'm sure we'd fit nicely in a hot tub.
What kinda costumes do you think you'd like? I have a feeling that cheerleaders are not your type.

Good.
I would make you one too, but it would probably traumatize you.

[whatam_i]

But I don't have a hot tub.
Urm no, not cheerleaders.

Awww I'm sure that's not true.

[hawk_shot]

We can find a place with one.
Sexy Godzilla then. I know you have a weakness for green.

No, seriously. My artistic skills suck. And I mean that for real.

[whatam_i]

You mean like a hotel?
What? No. I mean yes, I like green but I don't want a sexy Godzilla.

Well how about instead you make us eggnog?

[hawk_shot]

Since I'm already thinking of moving into a hotel I might as well find one with a nice hot tub.
I bet someone must have dressed as sexy Godzilla for Halloween sometime.
So, what'd you like?

That woould involve more than a virtual Christmas.