[Oswald, the light sleeper than he is, lurches upright in a sweaty, wide-eyed panic, barely able to tell up from down but convinced he's under attack when he staggers out of bed. He grabs a loaded shotgun from the closet, no time for texting.]
[Nothing is okay until Ed's safety is confirmed. Scratch that - nothing is okay, full-stop, when he stumbles, panting, into Ed's room, disheveled, jacked with adrenaline, and ready to pump some lead into the first non-Ed human being he lays eyes on. Except...
[They are indeed alone, the house now blessedly quiet and still. The surface of Ed's work desk is smoldering slightly and after a second Ed lifts a hand up from under it. Waving at Oswald.]
Hi! Sorry!!
[Slowly he peeks over the edge of the table, his hair is disheveled and there's a small cut on his cheek.]
[He blinks back at Ed, taking in the injury and the singed desk, none of it quite registering for the longest second of his life. His shotgun lowers, finally. It's shaking faintly in his grip.]
Soooo... we are not under attack? {He manages, his voice low and scratchy with sleep. Barely controlled.]
[Chest heaving, he stares like he's been slapped - or like he's about to cuff Ed and give him more of a reason to bleed. Any relief he feels swiftly drowns in the rage surging through him, filling him top to bottom.]
All I asked for was a few hours of peace and quiet, [he rasps, his voice still dangerously quiet by Oswald-standards] and what I get is idiocy and reckless endangerment! [Accident, schmaccident.] Tell me, what have I done to deserve this abject lack of consideration and basic respect? [He demands.] I let you stay here, do I not?? Do you not have everything you need at your disposal?
[He lurches closer, nearly bumping Ed's chest with his chin.]
This may come as a surprise, but that does not entitle you to being an ass!
[With a sharp, huffing breath, he breaks eye contact and half turns, as if in disgust, scrubbing a hand down his face. A fat, harried vein pounds in his forehead.]
...all of this could have been avoided if you had just listened to me, for once! [Oswald whines.] But of course you had to go and... [he motions to the desk in a gesture charged with helpless frustration, letting his hand slap back to his side] nearly blow your head off with whatever it is you're doing.
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[Who needs a cat when you have Ed?]
Yes, yes you did.
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I sure didn't hear you complaining.
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[So texts the man in love with his own. The Cobblepot calling the kettle black, as usual.]
Bwhaha good pun
[Because not only did he crawl into Oswald's lap he decided the best way to tempt him away from work was to kiss up and down his neck.]
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The better half of a minute passes before Oswald texts:]
Ed, I want to make it perfectly clear that I am not going over there and I am most definitely not tucking you in.
[Can't weasel your way out of facing consequences, buddy.]
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That's fine.
Now that I'm up I'll probably just stay up till morning.
[A pause on his side and then:]
I'm done hammering so you can go back to sleep.
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AND drilling?
And anything else that would be considered obnoxious and disruptive by anyone who is not you?
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Yes.
I've moved on to soldering work now.
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Just don't set fire to anything.
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...
But just in case...
There are fire extinguishers in the house right?
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In the kitchen.
Which you won't be needing, of course.
Right, Ed?
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I should pick up another one for my workspace this weekend.
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Good night.
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[Awwwwwwww isn't that sweet??
Of course that doesn't last because about three hours later Oswald is woken up by the sound of a small explosion.]
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Ed?? [He cries out down the hall.]
ooc: I'm so mean to sleepy Os
[Comes the excited yelp from inside Ed's work room and then a moment later he calls out again.]
I'm okay!
you sadist, you
...they appear to be alone.]
*evil eyebrow waggling
Waving at Oswald.]
Hi!
Sorry!!
[Slowly he peeks over the edge of the table, his hair is disheveled and there's a small cut on his cheek.]
Just a small explosion.
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Soooo... we are not under attack? {He manages, his voice low and scratchy with sleep. Barely controlled.]
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No.
There was an unexpected reaction between a chemical I was using and some metal.
[He comes over to Oswald, the cut on his cheek starting to dribble blood.]
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All I asked for was a few hours of peace and quiet, [he rasps, his voice still dangerously quiet by Oswald-standards] and what I get is idiocy and reckless endangerment! [Accident, schmaccident.] Tell me, what have I done to deserve this abject lack of consideration and basic respect? [He demands.] I let you stay here, do I not?? Do you not have everything you need at your disposal?
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Let me stay here?
I was under the impression I had moved in and was a partner.
Not a tenant.
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This may come as a surprise, but that does not entitle you to being an ass!
[With a sharp, huffing breath, he breaks eye contact and half turns, as if in disgust, scrubbing a hand down his face. A fat, harried vein pounds in his forehead.]
...all of this could have been avoided if you had just listened to me, for once! [Oswald whines.] But of course you had to go and... [he motions to the desk in a gesture charged with helpless frustration, letting his hand slap back to his side] nearly blow your head off with whatever it is you're doing.
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If I'm going to live here then I have to be allowed to work when I want to!
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Go take a walk, drink a glass of milk, count sheep, I don't care! You are a grown man, for Pete's sake - figure it out!
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blegh
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